Meet Me

Hello! My name is Amy and I’m currently 23 years old.  I tried to describe myself (by category) the best I could, and I hope it’s fairly easy to follow along.  I greatly prefer this method to just listing a few things I like to do.  I want this to be a place where you can actually get to know me as a person (if you care to), and I actually want to be able to have a place where I can store “me”, basically.  It’s always been difficult for me to write a short “about me” because it always feels like so much is relevant and I’m not sure what to leave out sometimes.  But I did try to include the things that I think make me who I am, and I think I did a pretty good job.  

Career Goals
My name is Amy and I’m a 23 year old college graduate about to enter my first job ever. My majors were biology and psychology, and I also had a pre-veterinary concentration. I no longer wish to pursue veterinary science, but I wouldn’t mind doing something with animals during my career. Instead, I think I want to be a counselor or educator in some way; I love people and I’ve always enjoyed both learning and teaching. Getting involved in animal behavior, memory, and/or learning research would also be great. Any job where I’m working with “life” or am trying to improve someone’s quality of life would mean a lot. I believe that the human brain is the most complex, amazing thing in the entire world. I want to be a part of learning even more about it, but I also feel awe when thinking about it. Sometimes I wish I could just be a college student forever; I’m pretty scared of going out into the real world (I feel incredibly incompetent) and I LOVE to take classes and learn.

School
I’m also a little bit of a nerd. Being a good student has always been a part of my identity, and I spend probably too much time studying and obsessing about schoolwork. However, it’s something I love to do, and I find it really rewarding. I currently have something like a 3.98 GPA and have been on the Dean’s List every semester. Sometimes I worry that I spend too much energy on my schoolwork and forget to 1) do other fun activities that I enjoy and 2) gain important life experiences or work experience, which I have basically zero of. I just can’t seem to put my schooling aside – it’s either all or nothing with me. I do not agree with just doing enough work to “get by” or even enough work to get an A. I strive to learn as much information from a course as possible, and that usually means not that much free time, unfortunately. Also, unlike many people, I view my schooling and career preparation mostly as separate things. Sure, they overlap quite a bit because I hope to get a job that has to do with my major, but I am going to college because I want to be an educated person. I want to learn. Even if I don’t get a job that has to do with my major, I will be happy that I’ve become educated.

Work
I’ll have more to say about this in a month or two, but starting in October I will be working as Therapeutic Staff Support for the Barber National Institute in Pittsburgh. I’ll mostly be working with kids in their home or school environment, those who need extra help due to intellectual, behavioral, of physical disabilities. A large majority of them are on the Autism spectrum, and I think helping these children may be my perfect fit. I want an opportunity to both teach and counsel; this job incorporates the two in such a rewarding way, I think. I want to help everyone reach their full potential.

Love
My relationship with my boyfriend of seven years, Michael, is also central to my identity. He’s my best friend and also my ideal match. If the term “soul mates” could ever be used to describe two people, that’s definitely us. He is so much a part of me. We can be 100% ourselves around each other and we tell one another everything. A lot of the time, we don’t even need to talk, we can almost feel what one another is thinking. We met online, and we suffered (and thrived) through a long-term relationship for about four years. Because of that, we built our relationship on conversation and sharing our deepest thoughts and feelings. I think that’s why we’re so emotionally and spiritually connected to each other now. We are each other’s main purpose in life and top priority – everything else follows. But basically, we are just two very lucky people in that we met at such a young age and had the same life views, desires, and personalities. I know our relationship is quite rare, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. I’m a true romantic, though not in a traditional, unrealistic sense. I’m so passionate and idealistic when it comes to love and it’s so important to my life, but I’m also a pretty realistic person and want things that are possible. I consider myself to be a “realistic optimist”, even in things unrelated to love.

Sexuality
This probably seems like a weird category to have in my About Me. I am straight; I’m not going to give up that label. However, there is something I recently discovered about myself that I find relevant: I most likely am somewhere on the asexual spectrum. I realized this when I learned the term “demisexuality”, which is “characterized by a lack of sexual attraction toward any person unless they become deeply emotionally or romantically connected with a specific person or persons. The level of connection it takes for sexual desire to form is dependent on how close the relationship is rather than initial attraction. It is an orientation that is not chosen.” Honestly, this has kind of been confusing for me, but I love to learn more about myself in any way that I can. I don’t feel the need to express myself as demisexual when people ask (since “straight” actually is accurate), but it’s just kind of nice for my sexuality to make sense to me. I’ve only ever been romantically attracted to males, and so I’ve only ever felt sexually attracted to males. I am not a demisexual that could be in a relationship with either gender. However, when it comes to physical attraction, I am no more attracted to males than females. All of my life I have only had interest in guys I’ve known really well (basically friends). The idea of not starting out as friends and doing the casual dating thing seems really confusing and undesirable to me.

Physically…
I’m 5’2” and about 140 pounds. I used to be heavier, but I’ve lost 12 pounds so far, and I’m trying to lose more. I’ve never felt very confident about my body, and I’m tired of having low energy and feeling unattractive. I’ve slowly been noticing a change in how I view myself, though; I’ve been feeling pretty good about the way I look recently, and I hope that continues to improve! I have a baby face and look like I’m about 15 years old (or so I’m told). I feel like this (paired with my height) has made people not take me too seriously, which I also can be annoyed and discouraged by. I would like to be treated like I’m 23. I try to keep my appearance pretty natural and simple. I rarely wear makeup, and I’ve never dyed my hair (other than my tips) or had piercings or tattoos. I have very pale skin, freckles (during the summer), brown hair, blue/green/grey eyes, and smallish features. I’ve been told that I dress casually and eclectically. I tend to like many different styles. I’m fond of earth tones, black, lace, florals, and intricate designs. I’m a fan of classic, nerdy, and boho styles.

Socially…
I have a small number of friends that I am really fond of. I’ve never been an outgoing, popular person, but I’ve formed pretty close bonds with the friends I do have. It’s incredibly hard for me to make new friends (I’m shy), but once I consider you to be a friend, I’m your friend for life. I’m quite loyal, and even if I don’t see my friends for months (or years) at a time, they are still in my thoughts and in my heart. Like I said, I’m very shy, and I also suffer from a social phobia. I have a serious fear of having attention on me or performing in front of others, or just making small talk. It makes it really hard for me to express myself to anyone new or just anyone that I’m not completely comfortable with. It’s very hard for someone else to get to know me because I keep a lot of myself hidden. I’m an introvert, and I prefer to spend a lot of my time alone. I enjoy solo activities, or activities that involve just a few people. I don’t care much for parties where there is a lot of commotion and noise. I absolutely love people, though. It feels so weird to both love and fear people, but that’s me. When I feel comfortable enough, getting to know someone new is one of my favorite things. I love to ask people questions and understand who they are as people. It really helps if they have a similar personality to me; I am intrigued by other quiet people. I’m a pretty trusting person, and I tend to see the good in people. I’m also quite an empathic and sympathetic person, and I fairly often see myself in other people. It’s pretty rare that I get mad at people, and I consider myself to be a pacifist.  Oh, and while I love to express my feelings through words, my main way of showing people I care for them is by spending quality time with them and getting involved in their interests.

Mentally…
I value my loving, peaceful character over any other aspect of myself – even my intellect (which I don’t think is even that strong). I am confident about how kind and caring I am, though. I consider myself to be more intuitive and analytic than logical, but I will use logic when I think it’s needed. I believe that I am pretty open-minded and unbiased. While this prevents me from being too stubborn, it can also make it difficult for me to make decisions or choose a side for something. I usually see both sides to an issue, and so I sometimes become even more confused/unsure after a discussion. I tend to be full of self-doubt. I wouldn’t say I have low self-esteem (I think I’m awesome, actually), but I can feel really insecure, incompetent, and self-conscious. I’m pretty egocentric, which I’m sure adds to my social anxiety. Something weird about myself, though… is that I sometimes experience dissociation (kind of like an out-of-body experience where both myself and the world feels unreal). Also, while I feel like I understand myself pretty well, I also can feel like many different people. I am flexible and change in the company of different people. I’m a people-pleaser and very agreeable. Sometimes I wonder which “me” is the real one; I suppose they all are. I have a complicated mind, and there is always so much going on. Sometimes I wonder if all of the activity that’s going on in my mind is the reason why I have a hard time orally expressing myself and why I’m quite awkward with people. For anyone that knows MBTI, I am an INFJ. (See Personality below). Although I’m pretty serious in my writing, I am quite goofy in person and (sometimes) instant messaging. It might to be hard to believe while reading my blog, but I am the silly clown of my friends. I will do almost anything to get a laugh out of the people I love. I guess when I’m no longer alone and with my own thoughts, I turn into a different person. Even though I’m incredibly self-aware (too much?) and know myself pretty well, I also can also feel pretty inconsistent and like a million different people. I also want to say that I try to not take myself very seriously. I do appreciate serious discussions, but at the same time, I can take a joke and enjoy silly humor.  I feel like I shift between happy-go-lucky and melancholy a lot.  It feels kind of strange, but that’s just what happens.  I appreciate both states of mind.

Personality
My personality type is INFJ. While the label isn’t so important to me, it’s nice to understand myself a little bit better by reading its description and talking with other INFJs. I believe that the test does a good job at helping you find a general description of your personality (something that could not possibly be ever fully explained). While reading up about my personality type, I realized a lot of things about myself. I read some of this stuff and it makes so much sense and I feel understood for once. I do not find the label to be limiting; it has allowed me to grow as a person.  Some of the major traits of an INFJ: intuitively understands people and situations, idealistic, highly principled, complex and deep, sensitive and compassionate towards people, service-oriented, future-oriented, values deep and authentic relationships, reserved about expressing their true selves, dislikes dealing with details and focuses on big picture, seeks meaning and purpose in everything, creative and visionary, intense and tightly-wound, can work logically and rationally.  The “intensity” thing reminds me of something, though.  That is very true when it comes to love and my relationships.  It’s all or nothing with me when it comes to love and I want to give my all to one person (and expect it in return).  This should probably go into my Love section, but oh well.

Spiritually…
I do view myself as a spiritual person, but not religious. My love of living things has really aided in the spiritual connection I have with nature and the universe. Learning about evolution has strengthened this as well; it’s amazing how interconnected all life on this planet is. Because I don’t believe in a traditional god or afterlife, it has made me really passionate about trying to maximize life and happiness for myself and others during our time here. But this also has a dark side; I fear death over probably anything else, and I can find myself in a depression if I think too much about the end of my life (or the end of other peoples’ lives). The thought of being nothing and not being able to see my loved ones once I’m gone or how the world turns out… horrifies me.
I am perfectly fine with religion, except when it becomes intolerant, cruel, limiting, or overbearing. I don’t view religion as terrible as some atheists do, and I want people to have that security and happiness that religion brings. I do sometimes like to get involved in religious discussions or debates, but I only care about discussing theological and social ideas – I do not aim to attack any particular person for his or her beliefs. I don’t claim to know that a god doesn’t exist, but I find any gods from religious books to be pretty improbable (and not very desirable). Basically, there is no reason for me to believe that a god exists. I would consider myself to be an atheist/agnostic/pantheist, mostly because I view a higher power to be energy/the universe.

Interests
I love reading, writing, and discussing. Although I’m shy and introverted, I’m an incredibly verbal person. I’ve always been a fairly skilled writer, though I tend not to engage in creative writing. I gravitate more toward analytical writing and journalism, I guess. But I am such a fan of novelists, and I love to read adventure stories. My favorite genres are fantasy, science fiction, thriller, mystery, drama, and romance. I can basically get into anything, though.
My favorite activities all seem to involve art or imagination in some way. I love abstract ideas and appreciating the beauty and creativity of other people. My favorite hobbies are reading, watching movies and television, playing games, listening to music, spending time online, painting and drawing, video production, and writing. I think my favorite activity of all is having meaningful conversations with others and really getting to understand them. I love to spend time online (I will admit I spend too much time on the computer) but I love to feel involved with other people and keeping up to date with…the world, basically. I love to discuss with people, give advice, listen to others, enjoy online videos, and so many other things. I’m pretty old school when it comes to the internet; I prefer quality over quantity, and I greatly prefer blogging and IM over Facebook, Twitter, or texting.

Well, that’s basically me.  I feel like there’s soo much that’s missing, but I hope I hit the big stuff.

If you want to learn more about my specific interests, please visit my Interests page.
If you want to learn more about my personality, please visit my INFJ page.
If you want to learn more random information about me, please visit my Surveys page.

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